One of the hardest and yet most profitable questions you can ever ask another person is …
“How did you experience me?â€
In other words …
“Please tell me how I made you feel and what you were thinking about me during our recent interaction. I really want to know … even if you think it might be hard for me to hear.â€
It takes courage to make yourself this open and vulnerable to what other people might say about how you’ve impacted them. And it takes humility and self-control to accept unpleasant feedback without getting defensive or angry.
It may not be easy, but if you truly want to grow in both self-awareness and other-awareness, one of the most relationally wise questions you can ask others is …
“How did you experience me?â€
– Ken Sande
Reflection Questions
- Why is hard to make ourselves this open to feedback from other people? What are we typically afraid of?
- If someone says something that’s unpleasant to hear, how will you be tempted to react? What would be a wiser way to respond?
- Most people are not used to giving each other truly candid feedback. So if someone seems hesitant to respond, you could add, “Please take some time to think about this; I’d really value your honest feedback, and will get back to you in a few days to see what you’d like to share with me.†And then be sure to get back to them!
Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like.
© 2015 Ken Sande
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