No Excuses

I failed a friend. Badly. No, not just badly … very badly.

It took me a while to face it. When I finally realized what I’d done, embarrassment kept me from going to talk with him right away. So now I was doubly wrong. Failed to support him, and failed to admit it even when I knew I should.

Finally, my conscience got so loud that I had to talk with him. As I went, I mentally composed an explanation. I knew nothing could justify or excuse my wrong, but I thought it would help if I explained the circumstances that had made it difficult for me to be there for him during a painful transition.

Hands iStock_000020266152Small bBut as soon as I saw his face, I knew my explanation was worthless. No explanation was going to change his perception of my failing him or soften the pain I’d caused. Besides, I knew that an explanation would only seem like I was trying to justify or excuse my actions … which is exactly what I longed to do, but which would be of no help to my friend.

So I simply said, “I really failed you during the reorganization. I should have come and talked to you right away. My absence and silence must have hurt you deeply. I have no excuse or explanation. I failed you as a manager and I failed you as a friend. I was wrong, and I’m so very sorry. Can you please forgive me?”

His eyes softened as he said, “That’s all I needed to hear. I know you didn’t mean to let me down, but it helps to hear you admit you did. Jesus has forgiven me far worse things, so yes, I gladly forgive you. This is behind us; let’s move on.”

And that was the end of it. No explanation. No excuses. Grace flowed. We were back on course. Ministering together better than ever.

Simple, sincere confessions, without excuses … a great way to take hold of the promise:

“He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy” (Prov. 28:13).

Ken Sande

Reflection Questions (Most effective when shared with a friend; James 1:22-25)

  • Why do we all long to offer “explanations” for our failures?
  • How do you feel when people try to explain their wrongs against you?
  • What was the most healing confession you’ve heard? What made it so helpful?
  • How can a deeper understanding of the gospel free us from the desire to excuse our wrongs?

Permission to distribute: Please feel free to download, print, or electronically share this message in its entirety for non-commercial purposes with as many people as you like.

© 2019 Ken Sande

Would you like to receive future posts like this? Subscribe now!

Share Button
Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Topics
Aging & Illness Body Language Brain/Neurology Breathe Grace Children Conciliation Confession Conflict & Peacemaking Emotion Empathy & Compassion Encouragement Family Forgiveness God-awareness God-engaging Gospel GPS/Guidance Acrostic Habits Hijacking Humility International Kindness Leadership Marriage Movies Other-awareness Other-engaging Parenting Pastoral Ministry PAUSE Negotiation Politics Pride READ Acrostic Reconciliation Reports RW Training Self-awareness Self-engagement SERVE Acrostic Smile SOG Acrostic Story Teens Weakness Workplace

RW Blog

Three Values that Improve Every Relationship

I’ve hired many people … and fired only a few. My best co-workers thrived because of three key character qualities. The disappointing ones struggled because they lacked the very same qualities. I’ve noticed an identical dynamic in friendships, marriages and...

Spanglish

Today’s movie clip is one of my favorites. It illustrates several key relational skills, including empathy, self-control, and the use of perceptive questions rather than forceful arguments. The clip is taken from the movie, Spanglish. Its central character, Flor, is a...

The Golden Result

We all know the Golden Rule: “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” But do you know the Golden Result? “Other people will usually treat you the way you treat them.” Not always, but usually. Because that’s how our brains are wired. Here is a short movie clip...